I am about to be out of a job.  As much as this scares me, it is becoming more and more of a relief.  I think part of me knew going into my current job that it wasn't going to work out. Of course, I assumed that it wouldn't work out because I would have to find something more permanent, not because the store was going to go out of business.

And so now I am looking for another job . . . again.

It seems like I have been doing this since the day I graduated from Ouachita.  I know that this statement is not true, but that is why it has the qualifier "seems" as a forerunner.

There is a job that is connected to the job that I have now, but at a corporate level.  I've checked it out, as much as I can from the internet, anyway - and I have to say ... it really looks good.  In fact, its one of those jobs that I really, truly believe that I could fall in love with and be pretty good at, once I learned the ropes of course.  With all that said, it has turned into the quintessential "perfect" job.  This, in turn, has made me forget the fact that it is not mine, and made me ignore the fact that I haven't even applied yet.  Instead I have already imagined the fact that I would be doing something exciting for a living and resigned to the idea of there being no need to look anywhere else.

Agh!  For those reading who have not obtained the a job, or even more, have not begun to look - this is not the correct way to go about "job hunting." For further example, I should remind you of the fact that a hunter, in the truest sense of the word hunter (as in hunter-gathering days), would never dream of stopping after successfully catching and killing a small animal such as a rabbit or fox.  Because while they would have been successful as far as the technical definition of a hunt would be concerned, it would not be nearly enough to satisfy their family's hunger, nor, as in the case of a good hunter, their pride.

That is, unfortunately, what has happened to me so far in the "Job Hunt."  I have become satisfied with the technical fact that I have 3 different jobs.  But the bigger picture shows that I don't even have enough money between the 3 to rent my own apartment.  And while my pride is curbed by the security of having a busy schedule, it is not a proud moment when I must admit that I still live with my parents because I don't have enough income, even with 3 jobs.

Which is why I need this one.

But I need to be so careful.

Because I would hate to take this job simply to fill my quota for pride, and my wallet.  Whatever my next move is, I want it to be because that is where God can use me, or teach me.  I don't want it get into and realize, once again, that it was a mistake made because of my own selfish desires . . . also quite a low blow to my pride.

So I guess I need to pray.

Well obvioulsy I need to pray.  But I also needed to get all of this out of my mind once and for all.  And ask that you, too, would pray.

It simply amazes me.

I am dumbstruck at how I could be having a perfectly good day, and then one comment can send it all spiraling downhill.

What's even worse is that I was having a good day, even under extreme circumstances, and an incredible amount of pressure.  I mean to tell you that it SHOULD have been a bad, stressful day by every standard, but it wasn't.  I successfully stared a hard day in the face, and came out on the other side with a smile.

And then I came home.

It wasn't just the comment that was made.  It was the fact that it was SO hypocritical.  And then, on top of that, a second comment, labeling me as ungrateful. 

And now I'm going to bed angry.  After a wonderful day.

I need my own apartment. 

And more money. 

To pay for said apartment.

BASICS
Single or Taken: Single
Happy about that: yeah, I'm pretty okay with it - even if no one believes me
Eye color: blue/green
Shoe size:Small                                                                                                                                                    Height: 5'2"
Wearing right now:  red shirt with white tank under (from work), the best gray sweat pants from Wal-mart - EVER!
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Can you make a dollar in change right now: if I go get quarters from my change jar

God is throwing me a curve-ball.

He has a tendency to do this from time to time.  And I understand that it needs to be done.  The problem is that I know NOTHING about baseball, and even less about how to go about my current situation.

A week from last Friday I found out that the store that I'm working at is closing at the end of the year.  Which means in layman's terms, that I will be unemployed.  Of course if you know me at all, you know that I have a total of four jobs - so I guess I'm not technically unemployed, even with this job gone - but this was my main job, my day job - and major source of income.  Thus, I have a problem.

I have no idea when my last day will be - which is very stressful.  But that's only half of it.

I've known for a long time that it was time to move on and find a "real" job.  One that is full time, with a salary, and health benefits.  One that lets me "live up to my potential" (which is apparently VERY important to my mother), and makes enough money to support myself, by myself.  Seriously, I really did know all of this.

But my job has been such a safety net.

I'm not ready to learn a new system all over again.  Get a new routine, new co-workers, new stresses, new nervousness, etc - ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!  I'm just not ready.

But I have no choice.  Because God has thrown me from my easy-street and has not given me the opportunity to look back and perhaps change my mind. 

This post has not said at all what I started out wanting to say.  Perhaps I can collect my thoughts and lay them out for you in amore organized fashion after a bit of soul-searching/praying/thinking. 

Sigh.  what a day.

Brooke tagged me.  I'm supposed to write 5 things that people don't know about me/things that are on my mind:

I don't know what to do with the rest of my life, and I'm scared that I'm missing out on something important that will help me uncover some mystery about my future.

I can't sit still at home (unless I'm asleep).  I have to be doing something with my hands at all times - especially while I'm watching a movie.

I make up pretend stories in my head CONSTANTLY, and put myself as the main character - and I kinda hope that one day I can make these stories into books.

I miss my friends...all the time.  Literally.  I thought it would kinda go away as time passed, but it hasn't.  I really feel kind of incomplete without them.

Sometimes I feel forgotten.  At home, at school, at work, at church.  I'm getting used to it, and I'm definetly over-reacting to a degree, but it feels kinda lonely, just the same.

Okay - those are the things that I think about mostly.  They're kinda deep, but I figure there are really only two people that even read this anymore, so ... there ya go!  That is all.